Somewhere
by Troublemaker-In-Chief
Summary: Grief and denial are eating Ginny alive. Harry couldn't be dead. It just couldn't be true. He has to be alive, he has to be out there somewhere. She doesn't care what anyone says. She will never move on without him. H/G & R/Hr.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, of course.**

**Author's Note: I'm taking a (very small) break from writing _Light Up The Sky _to write the first beginning of this story. This story, unlike some of my abandoned ones, will most definitely be continued as soon as I'm done writing _Light Up The Sky. _Although I'm not entirely sure when that will be. Please enjoy & review. :D  
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_Lost in the darkness, hoping for a sign_  
_ Instead there is only silence,_  
_ Can't you hear my screams?_  
_ Never stop hoping,_  
_ Need to know where you are_  
_ But one thing's for sure,_  
_ You're always in my heart_

* * *

Who would have guessed that the times that made us happy would end up as memories that make us cry? Ginny Weasley sure wouldn't have.

Sometimes she'd lay awake in her bed at night, the hands of memories grabbing at her, trying to pull her under. And eventually she'd succumb to them. She'd let them drown her. Because drowning in the memories was the only way for her to feel _him_ again.

The most painful memory was one of the best nights of her life. It usually sneaked up on her while she was trying to sleep. She sometimes didn't know if she wanted to push the memory away because it was too much pain for her to handle, or if she wanted to embrace the memory with open arms and bask in it. The latter won every time.

Tonight was one of those nights when the memory sneaked up on her. It didn't surprise her at all. The memory came to her every night, whispering in her ear, telling her to think about it. And now, that's exactly what she was doing. She had a pillow over her head and a hand over her heart as the memory played inside her head...

_Harry Potter is quite literally the most beautiful thing that has ever walked this earth. _

_Ginny was watching him from across the Gryffindor common room. There were only a few students left lingering around, finishing up homework and making small talk before bed. Ron and Hermione had already retired to the dormitories, so Harry sat alone. This was perfect for Ginny because there was no one to catch her staring._

_Harry was using Hermione's stupid little snowglobe-type thing to finish his Astronomy homework. If you shook the little globe, the planets should show up in the correct order. But, as Ron had complained about many times before, it often didn't work. Harry was sitting on the floor by the fire, his homework messily strewn across the table in front of him, as he shook around the globe trying to get it to work. He grew more and more visibly annoyed and confused each time he shook the globe, and it took all of Ginny's willpower not to laugh out loud at the adorably bewildered look on his face._

_As soon as Harry lowered his head to scribble down a probably wrong answer, Ginny quickly rose from the armchair she'd been sitting in and tiptoed around the side of the room. She climbed over the back of the couch, sat down on it, and covered Harry's eyes with her hands._

_"Guess who!" She grinned._

_"I wonder who this could possibly be." Harry said. "I honestly have no idea."_

_"Go ahead and guess!" She tried not to giggle._

_"It couldn't possibly be Ginny. This doesn't sound like Ginny _at all._ So it must be Voldemort."_

_"You're absolutely right." She said with mock seriousness._

_"Because if there's one thing I know, its that Voldemort always says 'guess who?' before trying to kill me." Harry joked._

_Ginny removed her hands from his eyes and smiled. Harry leaned his head back and looked up at her._

_"Oh, wait. You're not Voldemort. Voldemort isn't pretty." Harry said as he sat up straight again and continued on his Astronomy homework._

_Ginny grinned but something he had just said was starting to bother her: "Voldemort always says 'guess who?' before trying to kill me." It had been funny when he said it, but now, moments later, the same scary thoughts that usually bothered her at night were starting to come back to her. What if Voldemort really does try to kill Harry again? I mean, of _course_ he would. Voldemort would, without a doubt, try to kill Harry again. But how soon would it be? Harry is brave and strong, but did he stand a chance?_

_"So why are you still up?" Harry asked, but Ginny was vaguely aware of what he was saying. She was too busy staring at him and wondering how anybody could ever want to hurt him._

_A few moments later Ginny realized what he'd said and she quickly replied, "Oh, well, I'm not really tired yet. And I thought you could use some company."_

_A part of her was worried that she was only annoying him by hanging around when he was trying (and failing) to do homework. But when he smiled at her, she immediately felt silly for worrying. They'd been dating for two weeks now. They were definitely at that point where they could distract each other from their homework. Right?_

_Harry started to shake the Astronomy-globe again. When the globe's answer came out all wrong, Harry's perplexed face caused Ginny to laugh out loud. He looked up at her, even more confused than ever, and only made her laugh harder._

_"Why are you laughing?" He was looking at her with a mixture of amusement and confusion. Like he wasn't sure whether to laugh along with her or call the loony bin on her. His reaction just made it all more funny to Ginny._

_"Because...the look on your face...you're so adorable." Ginny got off the couch and sat down beside him on the floor. "Really, you look so confused, you have no idea how cute it is."_

_He just continued to look at her like he wasn't sure if he should laugh or not, and Ginny said, "Do your homework like a good boy."_

_He shook his head in resignation and continued doing his homework. Ginny continued to stare at him, taking in every detail of his face, marveling at how beautiful he was. She could tell that he felt her staring, because every few seconds he'd look over at her sideways, causing the giggles to rise in her again. Every time he caught her staring, he'd smile a little bit, just enough for dimples to show in his cheeks. He was so maddeningly adorable. She wished she could just reach out and touch his face._

_And then she remembered: I'm his girlfriend now. I _can_ do that._

_She inched closer to him before reaching up and softly threading her fingers through his hair. He jumped in surprise when she touched him, he obviously hadn't been expecting it. Ginny grinned and murmured, "Constant vigilance, Harry."_

_He grinned back at her, making her heart pound.  
_

_ His hair was even more disarrayed than usual because of the number of times he'd ran his fingers through it in frustration at his homework. The messiness only made it even funner for Ginny to play with. After a few minutes of her gently raking her fingers through his hair, he finally said, "Ginny, what are you doing?"_

_"Braiding your hair, silly." Was her calm reply._

_He looked at her in alarm, making her laugh again._

_"I'm not actually braiding your hair, but you most definitely are silly." Ginny smiled._

_How could anyone want to hurt him? Ginny knew Voldemort was pure evil and incapable of feeling affection for anything, but it still drove her mad that he wanted to hurt Harry. Harry, who could be both oblivious and clever, confident and shy, careful and careless, invincible and vulnerable. Who cared more about other people's safety than his own. Who sometimes did stupid things, even though he's a smart person. Who sometimes had a bit of a temper. Who, despite his temper, wouldn't hurt anyone (unless they truly deserved it.) Who hadn't even known he was a wizard until he was 11 but was still one of the most amazing wizards you'd ever meet. __Who looked up at you from beneath his eyelashes if you called his name. Who had dimples when he smiled. Who broke the record for the youngest Gryffindor Seeker Hogwarts has seen in a century. Who probably didn't know what it felt like to be loved, despite the fact that so many people loved him.  
_

_ Did Ginny love him? _

_She suddenly asked herself this question as she watched him bang the Astronomy-globe against his hand in a desperate attempt to get it to work. _

_She'd had a crush on him since the day she met him, but her feelings for him changed over time. When she was eleven and twelve, she had a silly little crush that made her act uncharacteristically shy and stupid around him. But when she was fourteen, she started noticing things about him she never noticed before: his flaws._

_And his flaws were what made her like him even more._

_Yes, noticing that Harry could be stubborn and reckless and sometimes thickheaded only made her like him more. When she first met him, he was just an amazing, cute, perfect hero she had a crush on. But then he became an amazing, funny, cute, brave, imperfect, reckless, stubborn, boy who could sometimes be a git. She preferred the latter. The boy who could sometimes be a git was so much more real and lovable, and made her wonder why she ever got caught up in a stupid made-up idea of Harry when the real thing was so much better.  
_

_She watched as Harry sighed and dropped the Astronomy-globe on the table, evidently giving up on it._

_Her own lovable git._

_She stopped playing with his hair and lowered her hand onto the side of his face, rubbing circles against his cheek with her thumb._

_"You're distracting me." He said._

_"Sorry." She started to pull her hand back._

_"Hey, you don't hear me complaining." Harry grinned and dropped his quill. "I give up on homework."_

_"Harry Potter, you are supposed to do your homework. You are a bad influence." Ginny pretended to scold him as she knelt over him. She took his face in her hands and looked down into his catlike eyes. The corners of his mouth started to quirk up into a smile. "Oh, you think this is funny, do you? I'm not joking, Harry, I'm being absolutely serious. I plan on punishing you for being such a bad influence."_

_"Really? And how do you think you're going to do that?"  
_

_"Like _this._" _

_She leaned in and kissed him, her heart doing flipflops as she did so. He put his hands on her waist and kissed her back, making her heart race. But she didn't let him take control._

_"No, no, no, Harry. You're being punished." She pushed his hands off of her, pinned them to his sides, and grinned mischievously. She softly grazed her lips against his in a slow tantalizing motion. _

_"Why are you teasing me?"  
_

_"I'm not teasing you, I'm punishing you."_

_"This is cruel and unusual punishment."_

_He grabbed her shoulders and tried to pull her down into his lap so that she wasn't higher than him, but she resisted his attempts. As they kissed, they both pulled at each other, battling for dominance. Ginny eventually won the battle._

_When Harry finally gave up and let Ginny be in control, she kissed him more deeply as a kind of reward, and ran her fingers through his hair. When he sighed breathlessly against her mouth, her heart suddenly swelled up with so much affection for him that she could barely handle it. She placed her hand against his chest and felt his heart pounding beneath it, matching how quickly her own heart was racing.  
_

_'I love him,' she suddenly realized, the intense affection for him rushing through her veins and making her feel slightly lightheaded. 'I love him, I love him, I love him'_

_She pulled out of the kiss and trailed her fingers down the side of his face, the words 'I love you' about to burst out of her. She had to try very hard not to let the words escape from her mouth. If she said them out loud, it might scare him away._

_But maybe she _should_ tell him. She doubted the stupid muggles he's lived with ever told him they love him. Maybe it would be nice to tell him. _

_"Harry," She whispered in his ear, at the same time tracing circles on the back of his neck with her nails. She smiled when she felt him shiver. "I have something to tell you..."_

_"What is it?" He whispered back._

_"I...love Quidditch."_

_Harry laughed and said, "Who doesn't love Quidditch?"_

_"Idiots." Ginny answered._

'I'm _an idiot,'__ She thought. 'For not saying what I really wanted to say.'_

_He grinned at her and her heart was so filled up with love she thought it was going to burst open. She ran her fingers over his lips tenderly, feeling like she was just radiating affection. _

_'I'll never let anyone or anything hurt you,' She thought as she nuzzled his cheek. 'I promise. I love you.'_

Ginny broke her promise and now it was coming back to haunt her at night. She gripped the sheets on her bed and tried not to scream against the agony that was eating her alive. It was starting to drive her insane.

She should have told him she loved him. She should have made an Unbreakable Vow that she was going to protect him. That way, she would have died along with him when she failed.

_'But he can't be dead. He can't be. He can't be. He can't be. He can't be,' _She kept thinking over and over. The words looped through her head endlessly so that after a while, they didn't even have a meaning anymore. They were just nonsensical sounds.

'_He can't be. He can't be. He can't be.'_

But she knew somewhere inside that he really could be.

On nights like this, when the window is wide open and the moon is so bright she can feel it against her closed eyelids, she just wanted it all to stop.

She just wanted to run outside, find a Death Eater, and say, "KILL ME, _PLEASE_!"

But she wouldn't because she was stronger than that. Harry had taught her how to be strong.

But then again, what did it matter if Harry taught her how to be strong? Harry was gone.

_NO,_ he couldn't be gone. He just couldn't be.

_'Please just let it all stop.'_


End file.
